Slapgadget

During Operation Clean My Hard Drive I found a lost treasure, the backup SQL database from a website forum I ran back around 2006-2007. Granted that’s not that long ago, but the true diamond within is on this site we recollected and recompiled stories from our high school days (1991-1995). Since the version of that forum software is way outdated I can’t just restore the old forum, and frankly I have no desire to bring back that forum in a fully functional format. BUT, I can strip out the thread posts and all their memories! The database has over 1600 posts purely in chronological order; I need to remash them into logical threads and such, so not an instant process. Here’s the first extraction, from the thread titled “Raleigh Durham” (circa May 2006) Chris’ plans digress into a conversation about porta-potties:

 

Chris – Since I was 20, my life has been spent drifting. I joined the Navy for 6 years, went to University for 3 years, came to Korea for one year. So for 10 years, I’ve managed to bounce around without setting down roots or having a real, open-ended career. Now I’ve got 9 weeks left in Korea and I’m trying to figure out what to do with myself. Here’s my current plan:
1. Come home for the Heron. Party, destress, be stupid and immature, try not to put it in anybody’s pooper, and enjoy a great friggin’ time.
2. Recover.
3. I’ve been putting my resume up on different websites and looking for jobs down around Raleigh, NC. I’ve never been there, but I’ve already fallen in love with it. It’s close to mountains for hiking, the ocean is 2 hours away, it’s got a few big cities close to each other (Raleigh, Durham, Cary) but a small town feel (or so I hear), they have sports teams, nightlife, shit to do, great weather, and a very good economy. My plan is to try to talk to some employers down there and then head down for a month or so to do interviews.
Here’s my questions:
Does anybody know anything about Raleigh area? Anybody know the CEO of a company that would hire me? What do you think would be the ideal job?

 

Jeremy – That should be everyone’s permanent plan.
Gerald lives in Raleigh, we’ll have to hook you up with his number when you’re back in the area. Actually he was just up here two days ago (his grandma was sick). I’m sure he’s got all the skinny that you need.

 

Chris – Yeah, he’ll definitely have a bunch of info. I should email him. Maybe I’ll crash on his floor for a month or so. How could that go wrong? I’m sure he can restructure his life, wife, kids, and living space to accomodate me,right?
Econolodge, here I come.

 

Josh – There is nothing wrong with being a backdoor man. Jesus you just gotta clean up afterward and not leave the poo on you for awhile…..like all day.

 

Jeremy – How do I jiggle the handle on Josh’s statement? Or should I just tag a :color: in front of it?
The Heron 06 should not involve the pooper in any way, shape, or form.

 

Chris – Hell, I try to not even take a crap during the Heron. Those porta-potties are teh nas-t. It must be one of God’s little jokes that you go camping for three days, drinking ass-loads of beer (poor choice of words, I know), down a ton of hot dogs and hamburgers and beans…and then makes the only bathroom a little plastic stall with a hole full of shit and piss. Oh, and don’t forget the obligatory peed-on toilet paper. Gotta love that!

 

Jeremy – I’ve entered a Heron porta-john twice. Once was one of the ones right by the edge of the woods…I spent all of 2 seconds in there. *puke* The second was one of the booths just as you walk up, by the edge of the parking area. Cleaner, and I took the longest piss of my life in there. Seriously, Andy was concerned.

 

Chris – During last year’s Heron when I had the “left testicle/vomit incident” where I had to induce pukage to prevent alcohol poisoning (or worse), I was still sober enough to know not to go into a porta-potty. That’s why I made a humongous pile of regurge by the kiddie tent instead.

 

Josh – yeah that whole twisted testicle thing made me laugh for hours